Sweetness Follows, Part One.

*note* i wrote this about 6 months ago and have re read it a thousand times. i've decided i want to start writing Part Two but not before i share Part One of this. Thank you for reading and comments are appreciated.

It's these little things, they can pull you under.

Live your life filled with joy and wonder.

I always knew this altogether thunder

was lost in our little lives.

Oh, oh, but sweetness follows.

Writing about R.E.M. and the impact they have had upon me since i was 13 years old

is something i have been trying to do for a long time.

The music is such a soundtrack of my life and even my first real love story.

It began when i bought the first album i ever purchased on my own – Murmur.

Through all the little fandoms and phases, they were always true and always what i wanted to listen to in every mood i had.

Many days i would play them over and over again and wore out tapes like crazy. I

n between classes, Michael Stipe’s voice would soothe me when they kids

at school made fun of my non name brand clothing

or not perfect hairstyle, or not being as smart or ‘cool’.

My face would read “Fuck you, you turds”

but my heart was breaking in a million pieces.

Why’re you trying to second guess me?

I am tired of second guessing

what will be your look this season?

Who will be your book this season?

I crushed on the boy at school who wore the REM tour shirt and played guitar, and had the Stipe-esque look and sound. He was shy and quiet but on stage he just blew me away. At the school dance i did not have a date, i just hung to the side, watching in awe as they covered one of my favorite songs...

We are young despite the years

we are concern

we are hope despite the times

all of the sudden, these days

Happy throngs, take this joy

wherever, wherever you go.

He left that year (our Junior year) to go to a special music school and i moved on. I met new friends outside of school during my summer job at a 7-11, especially a sweet boy from The Big City. I found people equally passionate about music. 1987 was the year i graduated high school, experienced my first real relationship, learned a lot about myself, went to a prom and my beloved grandmother passed away. The loss of her took away my love for painting and it was hard to listen to any music for some time. it was hard to be myself at all. i lost touch with a lot but when Document came out and i heard “It’s the end of the world..” i felt that it was the perfect theme for how i was feeling. My life was so very different. No school, not having to do anything but work and put money away to move to a place where i could be among musicians and artists and feel like i belonged.

Singer sing me a given, singer sing me a song

Standing on the shoulders of giants

everybody’s looking on

(Old man don’t lay so still you’re not yet young,

There’s time to teach, point to point,

Point observation, children carry reservations).

Standing on the shoulders of giants leaves me cold

A mean idea to call my own (call my own),

a hundred million birds fly away, away, away.

I think i listened to this song (King Of Birds) a hundred million times. The music that this band gave to me guided me to feel again, to be able to take those steps that i needed to make important changes. Green came out the next year and things grew brighter and stronger. I was living the life i wanted. I was assisting my aunt in raising her sons after her husband died suddenly and did everything i could to make her life easier. I went to see REM at Madison Square Garden and i felt like a crazy person because i cried through the whole show. Seeing Stipe for real had a huge impression on me. The whole band being right before me was unreal. I felt like i was in another world and sang every song and worshipped at the altar of my musical heroes. It was like a religious experience.

This is my world

And I am the world leader pretend

This is my life

And this is my time

I have been given the freedom

To do as I see fit

A couple of years pass. There is more sadness and moving around. I lose my godmother to AIDS. My Stepdad suffers from manic depression. My brother’s best friend dies in a car accident. I moved home to be close to my mother because she is hurting so much from her sister dying and her husband’s illness. I decide to get a job at a local factory. It is so boring but I made decent money and i was able to help out Mom, and still feed my music habit and buy art supplies. Patrice, my younger sister, is dating a New Kid On the Block and i am going to concerts with her – this was NOT as bad as it sounds. We had a lot of fun back then – but i was really missing something in my heart. I’d dated off and on. I had a sweet long distance relationship with a guy from Illinois who thought he was the next Depeche Mode. He was very talented and even wrote me a song. I wish a had a copy of it still. But even so, through all the people i’d dated, i never felt IT. That moment where you are struck down and you feel that mixture of attraction, physically and mentally. My friends all spoke of it, but it had never really knocked me on my ass the way it was about to.

Dreams they complicate my life

I was sitting at my work area and completing the mindless task i did for 8 hours a day. There were a couple of people that came in and tested our work to make sure they were correct. Today i noticed someone i’d never really noticed before. He was a handsome person, but something about him made my heart race. For days, i would look up the 6 times he came in to do the testing. I would try to catch his eye. But i always got shy and stopped. I decided to just worry about other things and forget him. Guys that i liked never liked me back anyway. Weeks later, i was outside in the little picnicky area and heard The Smiths playing from a car. My ears perked up and i tried to follow the sound. Someone here listens to the Smiths?? Cool! I see a beat-up old Volvo and inside is That Guy! I walk back to my eating place and giggle to myself.

The crush is back on!

My heart thrown open wide

In this near wild heaven

Not near enough.

Little by little i tried to know him. I learned his name (Michael) and what he did there (Science Lab Guy). He and i finally had a conversation after a co worker found out i liked him. We three had lunch and Michael asked if i read comics. Comics? Huh? Yes folks, this was the person that got me into comics. He came in the next morning and brought me a bag of goodies. Some issues of GrimJack and the Watchmen graphic novel. This was followed by The Flaming Carrot, Zot! And OMG The Sandman!! :) every day we would chat and have the best conversations and laugh and really enjoy the budding friendship. I never even thought to ask about his home life. And then i did. He was married with two children. My reaction was so good though, i was so proud of myself - i was excited to hear about his family. In my heart though, i was a little broken. Not surprised, because that was what i’d come to expect. This was during the summer that Out Of Time came out. I accepted this news and decided i would just enjoy the really great friend i had made, however much i wanted to kiss his beautiful smile every time i saw him.

Every whisper

Of every waking hour

I’mChoosing my confessions

Trying to keep an eye on you

Like a hurt lost and blinded fool
Oh now i’ve said too much...

End of Part One.

Things of late, in bullets!

• Cassidy, Patrice and I went to IKEA this past Saturday. Cassidy saw a baby with a mole and said ‘Mama, that baby has a boo boo!’, and i said ‘no honey, that is a mole or a beauty mark’. Upon hearing this, she started yelling ‘MOLE! MOLE!’ and pointing at the baby. I pushed the cart as fast as i could to get away while saying ‘Cass, don’t say that please’ and she said ‘ok. We ran into them 3 more times and Cass would whisper ‘Mama, that baby does NOT have a boo boo’.


• I am currently wearing my gloves while typing because it is FRIGGIN COLD and they don’t have proper heat in this area of our building. They keep making excuses and complained about the space heaters we had. I suggested we all buy Snuggies and charge them to our work account.


• I am uncomfortable with one of the people Facebook keeps suggesting i add. Everytime i see this jerk’s face i yearn to pummel him with fists of Jenne fury. I want to say “FACEBOOK!!! Stop suggesting i add that giant ass candle dickwad!”
  
• When i wrote ‘dickwad’ above, it made me think of Bill or Ted (of the Excellent Adventures) yelling ‘you medieval dickweed!!’ I also enjoy that i added dickwad and dickweed to my Word dictionary.


• At work i am ‘Jenne’ but 70% of my co workers write my name as Jen or Jenn. My feet are now really cold too.


• Cassidy heard speed metal for the first time yesterday. We were listening to the WFNX morning show on the way to daycare and they were playing bits from some new music releases. One band was called “Lamb Of God’ and the music started. I looked at Cass and her eyes grew wide and she started singing along with it like this “RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!” and kinda banging her head. They stopped it and started playing something from the Jonas Brothers movie soundtrack and she said ‘ Mama, can they play the RAAAAH Monster Music again?’ my brother would be proud. We used to love moshing in our house to that kind of stuff years ago and freaking out Mom.


• I’m still tired and still waiting on test results but thankful for a really great husband who is so encouraging, helpful and kind. Having hugs from him every day makes a lot of crap very very bearable. Not to mention all the great things he does and says.


• Thanks, Husband Man. xox

PS: Cassidy Says "What you talkin bout, WILLIS?!?"

Happy Birthday, Bill Foronjy Jr.

Dear Bill,
(aka Mister Huh, Bippy, HEH!)

Every year we had the best birthday phone calls. we always tried to be around each other within that month and 2 days between our days of birth. i feel that one of the reasons Mike came into my life to because the plan was you would leave this world before me and now i have 9-11 to celebrate my husband.

Another thing is that it is so hard to look at your face or listen to our songs or watch a video and NOT smile. all you did was make me smile, or help me feel better.

after reading Dad's memories of your actual Birth Day, i laughed. you know what I remember about that day? that everyone was acting CRAZY, that Grandma Claire was there and brought me a plastic bowling set. i thought that was pretty awesome.

i remember your 6th birthday because it was MOm and Daddy Jack's wedding day. you helped Grandpa K give mom away, in your cool little suit. you gave her the biggest hug! After the wedding, when the wedding cake was served, they brought out another cake - FUDGIE THE WHALE!!!!! you were SO PSYCHED! you were a little sad that the wedding was on your birthday but you got over it ;) that's the kind of guy you always were! i also remember you, me and PAtrice drinking from the champange fountain. we were so naughty.

this morning as i took the T to work, playing my ipod the first song that came on my random shuffle? "Bartender' by Dave Matthews. it as followed by 10 or so songs that we both loved and sang together. it was so freakY! i cried in front of all the commuters. who cares? then i'm waiting for the connecting train, and i see a dude in a faded Yankees hat! not 5 minutes later a guy in a 'Don't make me go WALKEN on you!" HOW FREAKING WEIRD!

you always know how to find me Billy.

Happy birthday to my frist friend, my forever friend. The greatest brother and one of the BEST people i have ever known.

Thank you for being born. i love you and miss you more than i could ever express.

jenne (aka Miss Huh/Jeppy/Slangho)

PS - i'm so mad i can't tease you about "37!" today! ("in a row??")

(Cassidy, Jenne, Bill and Gannon - 11.07)

y'know what rocks?

Meeting The American Idol on your birthday :)

artsy jenne

i'm entering my first art show type thing since 1995. It's through the Quincy Art Association and the show is in September. I have a few things to enter already but want to finish this one that i have drawn out and still need to paint. it's something i've been planning to paint for Jenny Foronjy but have not had the time. now i am going to make that time. even if i decide it's not for the show, i am going to visit her in a few weeks so i can bring it to her.

No more wasting time. no more putting things off. many things on my plate, time to get them done. This is one of them.

These are My Heart Songs, Part One.

i seem to enjoy blogging on most thursdays
but mostly in the live journal, which i am getting bored of.



i was rickrolled by weezer in thier tune 'Heartsongs' off the Red Album.
i love the song because it speaks of how songs can mean so much to you.
they mention all the songs that touch you wether it be happy times or sad
or even silly. they mention cheesey 80's tunes, metal rock that made them want to learn guitar,
songs that made you really FEEL, songs that inspired them to become the band they are now.

So i decided to write about some of mine, a few at a time so i don't get emo on y'all. well, more so than usual.



Electric Avenue by Eddy Grant reminds me of my brother and his buddies torturing me at my 16th birthday party. Bill wanted to be the DJ and we let him, but ONLY if he did not play that song! so he promised. of course, he ended up putting it on 5 or 6 times. i remember trying to grab the 45 and throw it in the little stream next to our yard. even though they still played it, most of the party guests enjoyed the song :)

Overkill by Men At Work was a favorite back in high school but years later the greatness of this song was remembered when i lived in Mt Pocono, PA. I used to go see a local band who covered this song and it brings back good memories of a rough part of my life. It was especially fun when the bass player would sing the high part at the end and the crowd would be rooting him so he could make the high notes. There are many "heart songs" associated with this time.

Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine (also covered by The Postal Service) was a song i loved right away. It became more special when i became Cassidy's Mom, and the first time i ever held he and looked in her eyes, the first lines of the song popped into my head - "I think that it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned." it became her lullaby every night for the first few months of her life. Michael and i were married when she was about 3 months old and at our reception she and i had a little dance to this song.

more to come....

Cassidy and Jenne, May 2008

six months

"I fear that I'm ordinary, just like everyone

To lie here and die among the sorrows

Adrift among the days

For everything I ever said

And everything I've ever done

is gone and dead

As all things must surely have to end

And great lovers will one day have to part

I know that I am meant for this world

My life has been extraordinary

Blessed and cursed and won

Time heals but I'm forever broken

By and by the way...

Have you ever heard the wordsI'm singing in these songs?

It's for the girl I've loved all along

Can a taste of love be so wrong

As all things must surely have to end

And great lovers will one day have to part

I know that I am meant for this world

And in my mind as I was floating

Far above the clouds

Some children laughed I'd fall for certain

For thinking that I'd last forever

But I knew exactly where I was

And I knew the meaning of it all

And I knew the distance to the sun

And I knew the echo that is love

And I knew the secrets in your spires

And I knew the emptiness of youth

And I knew the solitude of heart

And I knew the murmurs of the soul

And the world is drawn into your hands

And the world is etched upon your heart

And the world so hard to understand

Is the world you can't live without

And I knew the silence of the world"

Bill passed away 6 months ago today.(6-17-08)

I would feel wrong if i did not make some sort of post.

These are the lyrics to his favorite song of all time.

they were written by another Billy.

Our sister Patrice sang this song with no accompaniment at his funeral.

She is also quite awesome.

I am doing ok. I want to stress that.

Even though i am sad does not mean i am not ok.

i feel good most of the time.

And i know i have some wonderful people in my life.

That helps SO much.

This song says so much more after losing Bill.

"Great lovers must some day have to part"

He and his wife Jenny were the greatest couple i had ever known - Two Babies Inc.

"My life has been extraordinary".

so true.

he was the peanut butter to my jelly.

my best friend.

my partner in crime.

I miss our silly language we made up when we were kids that we used into adulthood.

i miss calling each other with our awesome pop culture references.

i miss 'e-mayul' said like Homestar Runner.

i miss those huge hugs.

I heard this quote the other day and i really like it, so i'll end this with it.

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world,

which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime,

and falling into at night.

I miss you like hell"

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Thank you for being there for me in the past 6 months.