i can't start right now to talk about everything. everyone has gone home and now i feel even worse. every few minutes i think i feel better. then it hits be like a sock woth a roll of quarters in it.When i was driving from the rental car place the other day this song came on the radio. it happens to be on my phone as a ringtone oddly enough. it's a song by the offspring. i sang this so loud i hurt my throat. i banged the drum beat on the steering wheel and hurt my hands. but it felt good to get the pain out, even if it was a small amount.
Gone Away
Maybe in another lifeI could find you there
Pulled away before your time I can‘t deal it‘s so unfair
And it feels
And it feels likeHeaven‘s so far away
And it feels
Yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you‘ve gone away
Leaving flowers on your grave
Show that I still care
But black roses and Hail Mary‘s
Can‘t bring back what‘s taken from me
I reach to the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would
And it feels
And it feels likeHeaven‘s so far away
And it stings
Yeah it stings now
The world is so cold
Now that you‘ve gone away
THANK YOU to you all for the words, cards and thoughts. i'm trying so hard you guys. i don't know how to get through this.
Monday, March 31, 2008
12.18.2007
when i got the mail yesterday, i received Bill's Christmas card. it made me feel like a little "wassup beeyotch!!" came from beyond. he wrote 'see you soon'. amidst the good wishes. Oh, Billy i wish this were true.So our sister Michelle created a Memory Site lest night and i want to share it. anything we can do to find peace helps. http://bill-foronjy-jr.memory-of.com/jeez. this is so messed up. I heard the song 'Home' by the Foo Fighters this morning for the first time and i swear i felt as if it was Bill talking. i had to pull the car over. the wake and funeral will be thursday and friday. we head to Va Beach tomorrow evening.that's all i have right now...except, you guys..are the best. thank you for all the messages. every one helped.
the hardest day ever. 12.17.2007
I spoke to everyone i had to and i can let you all know what has happened. i don't think i have ever truly felt my heart break until this morning. My best buddy. my first friend. my awesome, beautiiful brother, Bill Foronjy, died this moring. i have never felt so empty. i can't even begin to comprrhend this. how the fuck can he be gone??? why. why WHY the fuck is he gone. i an so andry. i don't know how to deal. he died on his wife's birthday. and that's all i can say right now. thank you all for your concern and love. i will talk more soon.
"And the world so hard to understand id the world you can't live without" - his favorite quote ever (B. Corgan)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
This Is Halloween...
well, i realize i neglect this lovely blog. I have not written in it since 9-11-07 in celebration of the Boys, and i have been just empty more than anything. Having Cassidy helps keep me filled up and of course her Daddy does too. SO anyone who actually heads over here to read...Thanks. :)
There will be more to read soon!
Cassidy was a little Punk Rock Girl for Halloween. I think she had a wonderful and magical night!
She went trick or treating aty an outside mall and got a neat Apple notebook and lots of fun treats!
she is so much fun!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
"Love is the best part of the day"
Bill and his fabulous wife, Jenny
Michael and IBoth of those pics were taken at Fenway Park in Boston, Ma.
Today is the birthday of two of the most important men in my life!i think it is so great that by brother Billy and my Husband, Mike have the same birthday.The fact that it is on a date when a lot fo people will be remembering lost loved ones and a broken city is hard, but i refuse to not celebrate these two special men.
My brother is one of my best friends and someone who has stuck by me through thick and thin. when the world was against me. When i felt like everyone was judging me and when i was going through the worst times in my mind, Billy was there. He is a constant love and a good man. i am so proud to call him Brother. HEH ZEEEE BIPPY HUH!
Mike is a person i'd never thought i'd find. my soulmate. the man i have searched for for a long time. the one that i dreamed of. his good heart, sweet nature and beautiful soul has found me and i have never been happier in a relationship. He is a wonderful husband and father and makes every day brighter.
i feel sad but i am feeling better. ups and downs. weights and balances. it's called life. for the first time in my life, these things are no longer confusing to me. they still hurt, but my brain sees them more clearly.
i hope your days are filled with love, dear readers.
xo
jenne
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Strangers In Paradise, 1993-2007
How can it really be almost over?14 years!
14 years Terry Moore has been writing a storya story that has brought me and many others so much joy, tears, love, craziness, oh boy!how i will miss them all. Francine, Katchoo..they stole my heart so quickly.
I bought my first issue - THE first issue in 1994 at Comic Attitudes in New Brunswick, New Jersey.I was with Joyce, and she noticed the cover. I bought it and fell in love withe the story. i've read every issue, religiously since. these characters have interested me more than any fiction, ever. Francine reminded me so much of myself.
i wished to find my own Katchoo, that wild, artistic little woman who who sweep me off my feet and be my best friend. i wished for my own David as well. but i found my own true love just by being a fan of this story. my default icon has been Francine for a long time. When Mike first saw me post in our friend Gina's journal, he commented on my great icon and the rest is history. we even went to meet Terry Moore in Baltimore together and even he called our story a great love story. coming from him it was a great compliment as i feel he's written one of the best love stories ever.
if you have never read this book, it has been relased in 'pocket books" once the final issue is out next month there will be 6 all together. i recommend it so much i don't know how to express it.
one thing i just noticed with glee is that the art on the cover of the last issue is a re-do of the first issue cover. so awesome:
First:
*sigh* i'm going to miss them. i'm glad that i can visit them anytime though :)i look forward to sharing it with Cass one day.
thanks for reading!
-Jenne
Thursday, March 29, 2007
"if you wrote me off, i'd understand it"
"We hit the bottom..i thought it was my fault..and in a way i guess it was.."
Ben Folds'Landed doesn't just remind me of the end of my first marriage and my leaving the household. it reminds me of the friendships i have lost. Of those who could not deal with what I was. every line of this song reminds me of a moment. of a realization. those times when truly, you open your eyes and realize there is no turning back once you step off that proverbial front porch and go off to the next chapter in your life. you just wake up and say 'this is what has to happen. you have to get your shit together and move on.you have to fly away and let your former partner move on as well'.
"It's over"
(at this moment i am VERY thankful 'Gracie' is the next track')
"we moved to the west coast away from everyone.....
"...back when i was still in love" the way Greg and i moved away from our world of Long Island and thinking this would help make us be more right and how my ever-messed-mind got sicker and sicker and things got worse and worse. we made that decision and realized, to each other's faces for the first time that we didn't love each other the way everyone thought we did, that way that people are supposed to love, support, respect, care for, and a myriad of things that we did not have as a couple, but two good freinds that found each other at a time where we felt so sad and alone after very long relationships ending. He is a great guy, and i would never think of him as anything else. Heck, he's still a a member of our family. Moving away didn't save it. or change it. it made us move away from each other in our minds and hearts.
"until i believed I was the crazy one..and in a way i guess i was"
i feel like Meri is the friend that came to 'pick me up' at the airport. that's totally her when i see this song as a video in my dreams. She's that friend that you always want to be there because even if they say 'i told you so' you know damn well they are right. they're always there and always 'got your back' even when you are at your lowest. a line that always gets me is when ben sings:"if you wrote me off, i'd understand it'cause i've been on some other planet"all the times i expected to lose EVERY that i loved..that i'd understand if they said 'I've had enough and "wrote me off".I remember the day i knew it was time for me to get out and go.i picked Greg up at work and told him i needed to go. move to New York.I'd even spoken to Colleen who offered to get an apartment with me.a month later, i left the Poconos for good and many things hurt that day,but a line in this song fit's it perfectly."and it's Bye Bye, Goodbye, I tried"and i really, really did.but i continued to struggle..to borrow from another song, made those 'wrong turns and stumbles' that brought me here'and here I am.
In today's Boston Globe was a great interview with Ben and in one question they asked him about 'Late', the song he wrote for Elliott Smith and was it hard to write. His response was so great."it wasn't hard to write, but it was a hard song to let go of and put out. I wanted it to be true and respectful and not melodramatic, and i wanted it to be a song Elliott would like. He was an inspiration.His music was a rock for me"once agin, it feels so good that some i admire and respect and whose music helps me so much feels the same way about Elliott. it's so comforting to know that even a musician you admire shows the loss we all felt by Elliott's leaving.well damn. i've been carrying all these words for a week or so. it felt good to get them out.
i hope one day i get to meet Ben and shake his hand and even though i can never share the many things he's helped me through, just a moment to say "thank you" and to quote "Late","the songs you wrote got me through a lot"
thanks for reading my words, and the words of others i share.
Thanks for being my friends, also.
jenne
'treading the sea of her troubled mind'
Ben Folds'Landed doesn't just remind me of the end of my first marriage and my leaving the household. it reminds me of the friendships i have lost. Of those who could not deal with what I was. every line of this song reminds me of a moment. of a realization. those times when truly, you open your eyes and realize there is no turning back once you step off that proverbial front porch and go off to the next chapter in your life. you just wake up and say 'this is what has to happen. you have to get your shit together and move on.you have to fly away and let your former partner move on as well'.
"It's over"
(at this moment i am VERY thankful 'Gracie' is the next track')
"we moved to the west coast away from everyone.....
"...back when i was still in love" the way Greg and i moved away from our world of Long Island and thinking this would help make us be more right and how my ever-messed-mind got sicker and sicker and things got worse and worse. we made that decision and realized, to each other's faces for the first time that we didn't love each other the way everyone thought we did, that way that people are supposed to love, support, respect, care for, and a myriad of things that we did not have as a couple, but two good freinds that found each other at a time where we felt so sad and alone after very long relationships ending. He is a great guy, and i would never think of him as anything else. Heck, he's still a a member of our family. Moving away didn't save it. or change it. it made us move away from each other in our minds and hearts.
"until i believed I was the crazy one..and in a way i guess i was"
i feel like Meri is the friend that came to 'pick me up' at the airport. that's totally her when i see this song as a video in my dreams. She's that friend that you always want to be there because even if they say 'i told you so' you know damn well they are right. they're always there and always 'got your back' even when you are at your lowest. a line that always gets me is when ben sings:"if you wrote me off, i'd understand it'cause i've been on some other planet"all the times i expected to lose EVERY that i loved..that i'd understand if they said 'I've had enough and "wrote me off".I remember the day i knew it was time for me to get out and go.i picked Greg up at work and told him i needed to go. move to New York.I'd even spoken to Colleen who offered to get an apartment with me.a month later, i left the Poconos for good and many things hurt that day,but a line in this song fit's it perfectly."and it's Bye Bye, Goodbye, I tried"and i really, really did.but i continued to struggle..to borrow from another song, made those 'wrong turns and stumbles' that brought me here'and here I am.
In today's Boston Globe was a great interview with Ben and in one question they asked him about 'Late', the song he wrote for Elliott Smith and was it hard to write. His response was so great."it wasn't hard to write, but it was a hard song to let go of and put out. I wanted it to be true and respectful and not melodramatic, and i wanted it to be a song Elliott would like. He was an inspiration.His music was a rock for me"once agin, it feels so good that some i admire and respect and whose music helps me so much feels the same way about Elliott. it's so comforting to know that even a musician you admire shows the loss we all felt by Elliott's leaving.well damn. i've been carrying all these words for a week or so. it felt good to get them out.
i hope one day i get to meet Ben and shake his hand and even though i can never share the many things he's helped me through, just a moment to say "thank you" and to quote "Late","the songs you wrote got me through a lot"
thanks for reading my words, and the words of others i share.
Thanks for being my friends, also.
jenne
'treading the sea of her troubled mind'
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