Gosh, I have been horrid about my posting lately! It’s just been SO busy at work and then I get home and it's busy and then sleep! but it's starting to slow a bit. Today I am going to finish cleaning the apartment and organize a bit.
Yesterday we went to Mike's Uncle' Ray's 60th birthday party. It was very fun and his daughter and wife did a great job. The funniest thing was the dj/band type thing. It was this little tiny Joe Peschi-esque dude with a bad rug and a husky-voiced lady singer. They played some (very few) original songs and then they sang karaoke style to everything else. And even with the little TV screen they still messed up the words to EVERY song. :) But it was funny so it didn't matter. The food tried really hard to be great and we were at a table with mike's mom and seester and also his cousin Lisa and her boyfriend, Ned. We really love Lisa and Ned. last night Mike called him Nedward Scissorhands. I almost peed laughing. Cass had a great time dancing and eating snackyfood, but the singing started to annoy her, she started covering her ears with her hands and looking upset. We left shortly after that. another silly moment was when some other cousins, Eric for one, started posing with a face painted on the wall, making it appear to be drinking a beer, kissing it, high fiving...it was very silly and awesome.
Cassidy is still in love with all things Disney. she saw the characters she met on TV and was talking about how she 'hug Mickey' 'see Mickey!’. she seemed like she really loved our trip. i don't regret bringing her at all. i had a lot of people warn me that it would not be too fun for her or us. She really impressed me with her attitude and patience and temperament. she received her very first haircut at the Magic Kingdom. it looks so cute and it is nice and short and manageable. She went on many rides, and i could not get over how much she loved Pirates of the Caribbean. She also liked the Haunted Mansion, Dumbo, the teacups..oh, gosh, i don't think she disliked anything! when we went to Animal Kingdom, we did the Safari ride, and one of the jeeps in front of us went on fire and we were stuck in there for a while! she was so happy because she saw real giraffe right in front of her eyes, so close you could almost pet them. and she loves the fireworks shows and parades and Fantasmic. i'm so very glad she enjoyed herself. one of the best moments was her first meeting with Mickey Mouse - she ran right up to him. it ws like a commercial. Suddenly i realized i was CRYING! what a freakin' dork!!!! :) oh, and while i did not get to meet Captain Jack, we did get to eat at my two favorite eateries..Biergarten and Teppan Edo. mmmmmm.The other thing that touched me was seeing the Finding Nemo musical - i LOVED it and the music was so great I bought the CD. Cassidy loved it too, but she got upset when she saw the characters being hurt or sad, especially Nemo and Marlon being separated. she was saying 'Nemo Daddy gone!'. but then end of the show came on and she was so happy they were together and safe :) that night we were driving back to Dan's house, and all of a sudden Cass began to cry, so very sadly, and saying 'Nemo Gone!!' and crying these big tears. i'd never heard her sound that sad! it touched me to hear her have such a big heart and be worried like that. my poor girl. of course, i felt a little bad that i'd bought the CD for us to enjoy together and it made her upset! we'll try again with it one day.
Next weekend in New York, my father is having a special memorial mass for my brother Bill. He really had no input to the services down south and it means a lot to him to have something in the area where we grew up. This is great, because there were a lot of friends and family that could not get to Virginia Beach for his funeral. today Dad put a memorial notice in the Long Island paper so people know about the service.
every day it gets the tiniest bit easier. I am so thankful that my relationship with my brother was so strong and happy and fun. it's like we have always been ok, and i have not a single regret now that he's gone. every memory i have is happy. i laugh my ass off thinking about him. There are moments that suck. like at the party last night and Ray was dancing with all his sisters and my brain reminds me Bill and I will never dance at his 60th birthday party. i had to have a little moment, but then i was ok. the grief counselor tells me it's OK to do that, have those little moments. it's ok to write and talk about him, and it's ok to smile when i think about his life and our relationship.
to sum up, i fell pretty damn good despite the suckage that tries to destroy my spirit!